Was it better than revenge to learn that Ticketmaster was forced to endure three full hours of the Senators’ Taylor Swift puns on Tuesday?
Not quite. But don’t worry, disgruntled Swifties: Ticketmaster and Live Nation aren’t out of the woods just yet, as the Justice Department continues to investigate the companies’ ticketing practices.
During Tuesday morning’s Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on Ticketmaster, Live Nation and the US ticketing marketplace, politicians weaponized letter after letter of Swift with reckless, bipartisan abandon. The highly publicized hearing was led by Sens. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.) and Mike Lee (R-Utah), and let’s just say former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s infamous “Pokémon GO to the polls” moment walked for Klobuchar and Lee’s awkward T-Swift references could work.
For those who need a refresher on the bad blood between Congress and Ticketmaster/Live Nation: the ticketing and venue giants brought this on themselves by botching pre-sale for Swift’s upcoming Eras tour, resulting in in a fan class action lawsuit. and a public scolding from Swift herself.
At Tuesday’s hearing, Live Nation president Joe Berchtold showed remorse for the “terrible consumer experience” that occurred during the sale of Eras.
“We apologize to the fans. We apologize to Ms. Swift,” Berchtold said. “We need to do better, and we will do better.”
Because we listened to them (so now you have to listen to them too), here are all of Swift’s lyrics quoted by the senators at the Ticketmaster hearing.
Klobuchar quoted Swift’s famous post-breakup anthem “All Too Well,” and she gets a cookie for being the only senator to directly give credit to the singer-songwriter while doing so.
“To have a strong capitalist system, you have to have competition. You can’t have too much consolidation, which, unfortunately for this country, as an ode to Taylor Swift, I’ll say we know. very good,” Klobuchar said.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.) made a not-so-subtle reference to “Anti-Hero,” the lead single from Swift’s latest studio album, “Midnights.”
“Ticketmaster should look in the mirror and say: ‘I am the problem, I am,'” he said.
And at tea time, everyone agrees!
Lee went back to “1989” with a nod and a nod to “Blank Space,” a popular song from Swift’s fifth studio album.
“A buyer of a ticket being able to sell it to someone else, a lot of people seem to think that is somehow a solution,” he said. “I think it is a nightmare dressed as a dream.”
You can tell us when it’s over if the high was worth it, Ticketmaster.
In a streak, Lee also managed to include a line from the vengeful “Midnights” track, “Karma.”
“Karma is a relaxing thought. Aren’t you envious that it isn’t for you?he joked. “That’s all I have to say.”
You could tell Lee was working like a fucking acrobat to incorporate all of this Swift pun into an official government investigation.
‘You belong With Me’
Lee strikes again! The senator also cited the “Fearless” hit “You Belong With Me” while discussing his and Klobuchar’s role in the hearing.
“To be honest, I had been hoping, for a few months, to get the deck back,” he said. “But once again, she’s the cheerleader and i’m in the stands.”
We’d like to think Lee (or one of his employees) wrote that joke while laughing on a park bench thinking to himself, “Hey, isn’t this easy?”